TO CHALLENGES I'VE ENTERED
Hello designers from blogs ive entered... i am sorry this wasnt put on your challenge in time. didn't come before. I am with my mom and at her house with her emergency. Because it was about her and really meaningfuli, I still posted it once i came to her house from a break at the hospital. It was more am honour and dedication to her to follow up and post it late than to win anything. It felt like a prayer to still post it even though i had no time to post. Thank you... the message is more important to me to be read... and thank you for doing that!
Love and hugs
My favourite thing.
I love how the Garden speaks to me; how the flowers tell me what they need, when they need it.
But more than that - I love the dancing and prancing and frolicking of the Devas.
I have a Garden that needs no watering.
It is prime for the freedom of Devas.
I have written a book on My Garden, which I will post perhaps next week - needing to photocopy the pages.
Suffice to say (trailer) it is about Sunflowers and My Dogs...and everything in between
G-d DOES speak to us through our Garden - if we allow G-d to do that!
For today's (two weeks) challenge over at Ike's (World Challenges) the DT have created some beautiful pieces of art.
They speak to Easter, they speak to Awakening and Aliveness and they speak to the wonders of Springtime and the fact that G-d creates all this 'lovely' around us.
It is very hard not to be Grateful in Springtime.
It is very hard for me not to acknowledge the Presence of G-d in my life.
Without further adieu, I have used Ike's gorgeous GARDEN FAIRY.
It is the first time I have created ANYTHING using my mouse.
I uploaded Ike's Image (Garden Fairy).
Went to PAINT.
And just started.
Click color, re pick a new color click, pick a pen click, and over to the image.
This is completely addictive!
So what you see is my first.
Laptop on my lap and at my Mom's.
Garden Fairy and Spring and Easter...Gorgeous, Renewed, New Beginnings.
And then there is Heartache, Excruciating Pain, and what feels like Closings, Endings and sitting in the Nevermore.
My mom had some discomfort in her tummy 2 weeks ago.
She called an Ambulance (she is such a stong woman to do this on her own in the middle of the night.)
They did a Cat Scan and made an appointment for her to see a Specialist 2 days later.
My mom has Colon Cancer, Bowel Cancer and has just had a Lung Cat Scan 2 days ago.
We don't have the results of this yet.
Apparently 'Cancer Doctors' take Easter holidays too.
We are expecting news this week.
In the meantime she is getting 3 Iron Infusions a last week and this week and set for surgery (with hope that it will go ahead due to the Lung results being positive) in 3 days.
I think I am in shock; my emotions are 'over there' and not attached to me.
I feel like my inners were vacuumed out the moment I heard and some Power took me over to be able to be with her and look after her.
G-d is Present.
I know this.
I don't know what G-d has in store for the end of the week - but I feel faithful.
I have not been able to be anywhere but in the exact millisecond that I am in - not a second behind and not a second in the future.
This is a learning for me.
Ive always been an 'In the Present' type of gal, but this - this is something else completely.
Nothing else exists but truly this exact, precise, immediate second.
And I trust this is G-d's plan.
And my mom - oh, this is the hilarious part!
She has NEVER put herself first, in front of ANYTHING!
Now - oh my G-d - she is learning QUICKLY how to put herself first.
It is (if you can entertain me and imagine) hilarious to listen to her.
Yesterday she said to me "I want you to know the fridge and stove stay with the apartment"... so are you going to do the Laundry tonight or tomorrow?"
You can NOT imagine how remote, how absurd, how just totally weird this is!
MY MOTHER PUTTING HERSELF AND HER NEEDS FIRST - no way.
But yes...even at 89 and in perfect health thus far - only a vitamin - she is LEARNING!
G-d is also with her.
She has the 'death talk' with me in between "what are you making for lunch" and "I need to tidy up my closet in case anyone thinks I am messy" and off she goes...using every bit of energy she can muster up to take every possible thing out of her closet!
Then, she poops out and asks me to organize it.
Honestly Hilarious...truly bizarre...exhausting and...
My mom is allowing me to stay sane!
You have to understand...this is from a woman who could bounce a quarter on ANY bed she makes, any couch that has a bazillion cushions and throws.
My entire life is filled with me turning around after I've made my bed, as I am walking out of my room, to make sure there is not a crinkle, wrinkle, bump or turn.
And now - I LOVE ALL THAT!
I love that I am obsessive like her...
I love that I tell a story 10 times (to the same person) like her.
I like that 5 pounds over weight makes me crazy! (notice like not love lol)
I like that I have to wash every cup and spoon as I use it.
I love that I am passionate about other people's needs.
I love that I am artistic, creative and VERY critical of my work.
Because these are the things in me where I can see my mom.
They all USED to suck!
But now I cherish them, thank them, bless them.
My neurosis is akin to my Mom's neurosis...about everything!
And I will never change it.
I am finished trying to "self improve" all this stuff.
I am done with diets.
I do not regret looking in a mirror 10 times before I leave the bathroom.
Because all of this - every single thing about me I hated - is now the me who is my Mom.